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Thursday, 7 February 2008
Making progress
 Progress
Today at therapy I was told that "when you have heard such odds as mine and death is a real possibility, it makes real sense why I cannot sleep at night." It felt nice I think for someone to validate my feelings, giving worth to my fears. For the last year I have not been grounded in life. I am in school but have no job. I have a family but live 700 miles from them; I have not really been involved in living. And I have not been able to sleep thinking about all of it. My mind has been left to wonder, negativity and fear crept in. With no really plans to look forward to, I imagined nightly what it would be like to not be here. I was giving into those negative thoughts and that extended into my daily life. I got behind in school, refused to get a job, and found myself retreating into seclusion. While it is difficult for others to realize what moving on from cancer is like they can support you through this. And as my feelings were validated at the therapist I realized, I CAN SLEEP AT NIGHT.
There are things I can do to collect my thoughts and regain a positive outlook on life. That is to get involved in living again. Now that I have a wedding to plan, I have not even thought about being sick. I look forward to starting over with my fiancé and in a few years having a family of my own. I remind myself of why I am getting my masters which is to learn more about digital media communications and pursue a career as an art director. While writing papers is not fun, it is part of learning and part of what I must do to reach my educational goals. My therapist is holding me responsible for this. And as I begin to engage in daily life and future goals, there is something to look forward to. There is life after cancer. It is up to us to live it!
And now I will go work on one of many papers I have past due....
Posted on 2:30 AM by kelli
Comments
2 Jun 2008
Majesta Frost Kelli, I had no Idea what all you have been through. I am so sorry that we have lost touch. I am amazed by your bravery. You may not have thought you were very brave at times but you are a trooper.I am so inspired by you to be able to perservier. That is truely mustard seed mantality. The strongest of all other seeds. Love your Cuz |
