Making progress
Progress
Today at therapy I was told that "when you have heard such odds as mine and death is a real possibility, it makes real sense why I cannot sleep at night." It felt nice I think for someone to validate my feelings, giving worth to my fears. For the last year I have not been grounded in life. I am in school but have no job. I have a family but live 700 miles from them; I have not really been involved in living. And I have not been able to sleep thinking about all of it. My mind has been left to wonder, negativity and fear crept in. With no really plans to look forward to, I imagined nightly what it would be like to not be here. I was giving into those negative thoughts and that extended into my daily life. I got behind in school, refused to get a job, and found myself retreating into seclusion. While it is difficult for others to realize what moving on from cancer is like they can support you through this. And as my feelings were validated at the therapist I realized, I CAN SLEEP AT NIGHT.
There are things I can do to collect my thoughts and regain a positive outlook on life. That is to get involved in living again. Now that I have a wedding to plan, I have not even thought about being sick. I look forward to starting over with my fiancé and in a few years having a family of my own. I remind myself of why I am getting my masters which is to learn more about digital media communications and pursue a career as an art director. While writing papers is not fun, it is part of learning and part of what I must do to reach my educational goals. My therapist is holding me responsible for this. And as I begin to engage in daily life and future goals, there is something to look forward to. There is life after cancer. It is up to us to live it!
And now I will go work on one of many papers I have past due....
Posted on 2:30 AM by kelli
Perspective of life
Hey everyone,
Fresh into the New Year and my mind is quickly shifted to WEDDING PLANNING. Steve and I set a date! I will be married off on July 20, 2008. The next 6 months are going to be crazy!! I am excited!
These events could not have come at a better time. The distraction of the wedding allows me to focus my mind on something fun. It is the best way for me to plant myself on solid ground and think to the future as recently I have been boggled by thoughts of uncertainty.
It is hard to fight cancer but I think with triumph in that battle comes more hard times. When as survivors we are forced to re-enter a world and life that demands we push forward. When the odds of death are great and against all odds we pull through, life is different. Often life is refreshed and great. And then there are days when fear and doubt invade our minds. With this new life, there are uncertainties. But this is what makes life so amazing, not knowing everything, not having it all figured out. While one thing is sure, we all die one day; it is what we do in life that matters.
This is why I have decided to get my masters in digital media communications and why I speak out for skin cancer awareness. And this is what makes my days moving forward as a Stage 4 Melanoma survivor more rewarding. And there is even more to make me happy now with a wedding and all.
Posted on 10:04 AM by kelli
