Well, It has been a while... and by a while... I mean a few months... a few long, crazy months.

As you could probably tell from my last few posts, the beginning of the year was pretty hard for me. I believe that in life we reach points where we are in transition. Points where the ciaos meets our threshold. Well, I was at my limit. Pressures of life were building and I need to take time and figure out what my plan was for this life. I checked out of responsibilities for a little while, luckily in college I had the freedom to do it. I needed to figure out the next step in life. What goals I have and how to reach them. Well, the last few months has given me this clarity.

For many young cancer survivors... there is a process we must go through when adapting back into normal society. In order to be quote on quote "NORMAL" there is a transition mentally and emotionally we must take. You do not wake up one day and say, "Oh, I am cancer free today so let me just go back to the way things were before I was sick." Those things do not exist anymore, well, at least not in the state that you left them.

While you fight for your life, in and out of hospitals, sick as a dog one day and feeling peachy the next, the world does not stop. NOT on our account. People change, things change, opportunities move on. The prospects you once had as a young adult with your WHOLE LIFE in front of you, are now distorted. After hearing you might not be around for much longer, it is as if you go into a coma. A long and tumultuous coma where you get to watch everyone else do the things you wish you could and watch all your friends and siblings go through all the natural steps of life as a young adult. And when you wake from that coma, you are expected or expect yourself to pick up where everyone else is now, not where you left off.

This is what I have been told is called "Survivor Syndrome". It is not uncommon for young people to deal with this after surviving life threatening illness. So, I have been told.

While this may be a natural process for young survivors to go through, there is nothing natural about it. That is the point. The organic state you are in, naturally transitioning through life with everyone else your age is sharply and immediately halted. Life as you know it, for you and your family and your friends, is turned upside down.

Well, now I am back at it trying to pick up the pieces.

When my cancer returned, I was in my junior year of college. Life stopped! And when I was deemed, cancer free, it was only natural to finish college. So, I got my BA in Communications. It felt great to finally finish something I had started only 6 years prior. Under pressure to try and keep life flowing without interruption or too many hardships, I decided to stay in school. I began my Master in Communication. And while doing so, I could stay under my parents insurance. You do NOT want to be without insurance with cancer, I can't even begin to tell you how much it cost to try and survive. While this seemed like the only choice and the best one for the time, I have now come to realize that I was just not ready.

I am three years cancer free today... Everything is clear. And my doctors say that at this point, three years out of treatment, it is very rare for the cancer to ever come back. So... what am I going to do with my WHOLE LIFE ahead of me???

I know this much... I am getting married in 22 days and counting!!!! And I can start my whole life as a new woman, with a new name, and my best friend by my side to help me. Things are looking bright!

Until next time, know that I am busy preparing for my WHOLE LIFE.